Can fat people go skinny dipping?
Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
What is the speed of dark?
Why is a boxing ring square?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

The Aging Explorer

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.
The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger lept toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."

The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."

The old explorer said, "No, not then -- just now when I went ''''ROARRRR!''''"
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If you're American ...

If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out, what are you when you're in the bathroom?

    European!

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Shot To The Heart

Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl.
She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.

"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."

Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

Japanese Pizza

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip. He hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place where he can get a pizza.

The concierge tells him he will call for delivery to his room and takes his order.

Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up. The businessman takes the pizza and starts sneezing uncontrollably.

He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?"

The delivery man bows deeply and says, "Just what you ordered -- pepper only."
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Havaii or Hawaii

Two men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced "HaVaii" or "HaWaii."

They ask a passerby, who answers "Havaii."

"Thank you," says the satisfied first man.

"You're velcome," replies the passerby.
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Job Fair

 A jock and a geek applying for the same job.
The boss said, "Boys, you need to take a test before you can get this job."

So they took the test and the next day they came back to see who the boss chose. "Well," he said, "Both of you got the same score except I'm going to choose the geek."

The jock complained, "Don't you think that's prejudice or something?"

"Well," the boss said, "Let me tell you what happened. Both of your papers were right all the way through until the last question came up, and the geek answered 'I don't know,' and then when I looked at your paper, you answered, 'Me either'.
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The average human body contains enough:

Sulfur to kill all the fleas on an average dog.

Iron to make a 3 inch nail.

Fat to make 7 bars of soap.

Carbon to make 900 pencils.

Phosphorous to make 2,200 match heads.

Potassium to fire a toy cannon.

Water to fill a 38 litre/10 gallon tank.

Penguin Delivery

A bus driver on his route sees a van from the zoo stranded on the side of the road. The zoo worker offers the bus driver $100 to help him deliver two dozen penguins. The bus driver agrees and loads the penguins on the bus.

An hour later, the zoo worker gets his van fixed and heads to the zoo. On the road, he sees the bus driver and the penguins driving in the opposite direction. He catches up to the bus and pulls them over.

The zoo worker yells, "I gave you a $100 to take the penguins to the zoo for me. Why are you still driving them around?"

"Calm down," the bus driver says, "I took the penguins to the zoo. We had change left over, so now I'm taking them to the movies."

God's Dead Dog

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.

"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."

Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

Cat in the Way

 Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result-the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."

A Few Little Known Body Facts

A human head remains conscious for about 15 to 20 seconds after it is been decapitated.

About 10,000,000 people have the same birthday as you.

Around 2,000 left-handed people die annually due to improper use of equipment designed only for right handed people.

When men have food cravings, they tend to crave fat and salt. When women crave food, they tend to prefer chocolate.

The ashes of the average cremated person weigh nine pounds.